not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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