what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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