Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
