is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
