M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
