i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you inspire me to be a worse person
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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