Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize