Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
