My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
