I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
