mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
