what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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