my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize