Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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