I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
