Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
