im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
3pm strippers are depressing
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
