i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
