haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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