I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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