Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
