A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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