the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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