Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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