Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
