I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How naked do you want me to be?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
