dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
