Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I still have a little drunk in my system
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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