Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
