If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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