My brain says no but my pants say off.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
