what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
