i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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