Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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