my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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