Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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