Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
