Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
