HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
