my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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