I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
