you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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