one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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