im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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