I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
