you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
