Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize