I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
