i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
