So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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