Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
