there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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