this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize