When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
