I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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