it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
