he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
