her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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