I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I did not marry a roomba.
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