I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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