Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
