He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
