Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
