I puked a lego.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize