I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
