who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
