I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
