i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Randomize
